This is not a reaction to K-Pop sensation BTS’ album “Love Yourself” (good lord, no.) and their epitome UN speech on self-love. But rather, an honest appeal to self-evaluation, self-reaffirmation, and the acceptance of who you truly are and should. This is especially so in youths these days who are constantly looking at their peers to mirror and social media for validation. Don’t get trapped in the labyrinth of media madness out there. Kudos to Lady Gaga sharing “Social Media is the Toilet of the Internet.” Yes, there are good things in social media, but toxic material proliferating on tweets and grams are far reaching viruses out there. Our Internet can be stinky and deplorable on excessive expectations and hate, and other nonsensical filth persistently clings on. No amount of cleaning would take out these remnants of excrements. Spending long hours hooked up on the online toilet (the dark side, I call it) can make you feel so small and unloved. Bear in mind, you don’t have time to lose yourself in there. You only have one life to live, and that is yours to own. Be yourself, before anybody else.
DON’T BE LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE. be you, be proud, be happy.
Oh. The Oddball-ish “Mulan Rockstar Tomboy” ?
Back when I was a teen and even up till my late twenties, I REALLY, genuinely hated myself. I hated how I look, how I was, and what prospects would lie ahead of me. Even now as a 33 year old, periodically at times, I would struggle to accept my actual body and soul and seek to be someone else. Essentially, throughout my lifetime, there were countless occasions I wanted to be like everybody else BUT me. Growing up as an Asian Chinese, I hated my tanned skin not reminiscent of a dainty damsel, I hated my less-than-demure big pouty Angelina Jolie lips, hated that I didn’t have a huge circle of friends while mostly being bullied in school and not the popular girl in class boys would date. Due to that, I also detested my birthdays because my so-called “friends” never ever remember or celebrate them. You could guess by now I had some form of terrible low self-esteem.
Of course, I hated that I was quite dumb and consecutively failed Math. I hated that I was way more Mulan than Sleeping Beauty, and I shot more arrows than played dolls when I was a kid. Although I too, played a lot of dolls because many girls my age played them and I had to join the famous girly club. In addition to playing dolls, I was building cool houses for them. I had used raw materials to build these houses. I stashed away emptied Yakult bottles for the formation of turrets. Designing the extent of how my dolls could live in my imagination set me on fire. I wanted my dolls to live in weird places and hang around esoteric objects that my girl friends found very odd and didn’t understand the tiniest bit why. I also had Barbie fight Ken very often LOL.
Then I went swimming every week to shy away from the Chinese dance class my Mom signed me up because the feathery fans were cringey and trigger my allergic sneezes. To complicate matters further, I was an introvert and an empath. I disliked talking too much, preferring to listen and kept things to myself. I had tonnes of unusual hobbies and interests at a time when kids were just following mainstream norms. I started learning Japanese when I was 12 years old, after the PSLE exams, because I wanted to read manga natively. So I pestered my highly impatient Mom about this and one day she finally caved in and allowed me to attend Japanese classes by myself. And then I was into loud rock music. I wanted to be a rockstar when I was a teenager in a country known as Singapore where rock is stereotypically reserved for Malay groupies. Not to mention, in the late 90s, the invasion of boyband/girlband pop hailed to be more popular than rock. Backstreet boys, Spice Girls anyone? Damn, the Spice Girls were hot.
i knew i’m different.
Despite all that I’ve liked and wanted to become, like many anxiety-ridden parents, my parents firmly devised numerous plans to model me into a “TO-BE” successful individual and chained me to lengthy Nazi-like learning programs. I was like this investment package they had invested their time and effort into building a future. Their system intensely limited my creativity and devalued my self-worth as time passes by. It was hell. I had to be really smart and get into white-collar jobs and earn loads of money enough to ferry them comfortably into retirement. I was constantly pressured to study, perform and continuously work hard to be like that cousin who became an engineer, or wealthy banker.
But I had retaliated on some events, went my own way, and then came back to them again because I thought they knew better.
So, I killed myself trying so hard, devoting copious spans of time on the goals my parents set out for me, but was frequently lost. After graduation, they wanted me to land a favourable respectful job. There was the badgering effervescent encouragement towards me to go into government service or work in an MNC. But I was a creative. Or at least I know I had that kind of blood. I knew back then, but not confidently enough. I was afraid to stand out to be myself, to be the sore thumb in the family. I kept thinking that if I didn’t think too much into it and just worked in their defined corporate jobs it would turn out fine. Would I be so very happy? Probably not. Much only in my later 20s, did I start doing things apart from my parents’ grand plans, ultimately determined to do what I want and to be myself.
no matter what, when and how old you are, you have all the right and control to be yourself.
Going into my 30s (but forever young, always young!), I am beginning to bear this conviction that if you BELIEVE, DECIDE AND DO love yourself, you will be a far more worthy, far more attractive person than anyone else you can ever emulate to be. Importantly, you will not constantly fall into senseless questioning of yourself should you encounter challenging environments that belittle your life and self-worth. And then engage in self-hurt. Plus the comparison game? Why should you even compare yourself against someone? You are in a different league altogether. You have your own standards. You only have to break the chains, cut loose from the cycle of identity crisis to be yourself. It is that simple. But difficult to commit. First, be aware and then act that it is just going to be you that matters. Everything about you - even those quirky, nasty habits that you think you possess are equally cherished and special.
So many successful people these days, it gets harder to validate yourself.
On the Internet, social media and lucrative billionaire entertainment, you will always find an opportunity to critique your life and self. IT COMES AS NO SURPRISE, those rich immaculate K-Pop idols got their shits together and are now world famous. However, all of these successful people had to realise who they truly were in each of their particular styles and callings, and had seriously worked hard on the one and only dream. It is not all glitzy dining along the Seine River in exclusivity the paparazzi permeates. Celebrities are just ordinary humans who knew and accepted themselves in greater clarity - including their strengths and weaknesses, and all the evil within. Most gradually have derived their own distinctive personalities and signature works, their own formula to the hunger games. Do you know you? Are you already doing you? What is your specialty you can bring to the world? Your niche? Don’t be a phoney replica of someone, frequently changing from one template copy to another. You will be very confused and led astray if you keep doing so.
Be proud and happy of who you are.
On the final and most hefty note, be proud (but not arrogant!) of who you are. There is a reason you are here on this Earth and aliens have no place to reside. Even the most trivial of things that you have done so far is considered unique and the stamp of your trademark. No one can replace you and nothing else can prevent your bloom, and you should be proud of that. Your parents, family, friends, colleagues and maybe strangers adore you just the way you are - if otherwise, they are foolish cucumbers, insincere and unappreciative of the beauty of your existence. They would rather go on the chopping board. Stay happy and contented in the fact that you are special sauce and many don’t deserve to get a taste of that if they don’t acknowledge your merits. Have faith, that in dire circumstances the pride and happiness of loving yourself will see you travel through and surpass the highest, thickest of setbacks even as you brace for (some) impact. Smile and look up!